Lately, I’ve found myself quietly trying to piece together what’s left of my life. The past few years haven’t been easy—emotionally, mentally, even spiritually. And while I wish I could say I’ve been thriving, the truth is, I’ve mostly just been surviving.
But I’m not here to dwell on what’s broken. I’m here because something in me is shifting. I no longer want to waste time. I don’t want to carry around regret like it’s my identity. I want to start again—even if it means starting slow.
Letting Go of Regret (And That Crushing Fear of “Wasted Time”)
One of the heaviest things I’ve been carrying is regret. Regret over how I spent my younger years—worrying too much about other people’s opinions, living small, holding back. I wish I had allowed myself to be freer, to just enjoy being young without needing validation.
Yes, I’ve had relationships—some good, some not-so-good—but even with those experiences, I find myself haunted by the fear of ending up alone. I try to remind myself that getting older without a husband or even a boyfriend isn’t a personal failure. But some days, that sting still lingers.
The Quiet Ache of Wanting More—In Love and Friendship
What’s perhaps even harder than the longing for romantic love is the ache for deep, lasting friendships. I’ve not been very social these past few years, and I see now how that’s affected me.
People often say, “You don’t need a lot of friends—just a few good ones.” And while that’s true, I also believe it’s okay to want more. I want people in my corner. People who cheer me on, check in, laugh with me, cry with me.
I envy those who have had the same group of friends for years—decades even. I don’t think I’ve had that. And some days, I just feel… invisible.
Showing Up for Myself, Even When It’s Hard
Despite all of that, there’s a part of me that still hopes. I know that healing and change don’t happen overnight. So right now, I’m choosing to show up for myself, even on the days when I don’t feel like it.
Even when the doubts creep in.
Even when loneliness whispers in the background.
Even when the past feels too loud.
Because what else is there to do but try again? Breathe again. Begin again.
Getting Back in the Game: Dating, Self-Worth, and a Little Kristin Cavallari Magic
One of the biggest steps I’m taking is easing myself back into the dating world. It feels scary. Vulnerable. But it also feels like growth.
I’ve spent so much time wondering if I’m still desirable, still magnetic, still worthy of love. So, to counter those doubts, I’ve been revisiting old shows—specifically Laguna Beach—and finding unexpected inspiration in someone I used to overlook: Kristin Cavallari.
Rewatching Season 1 and 2 gave me a whole new perspective on her. Back when she was 17, Kristin had this unapologetic confidence. She wasn’t perfect, and she didn’t pretend to be. But she carried herself like she deserved to take up space. She wasn’t afraid to laugh loud, love hard, or live fully.
And let’s be honest—while there were girls in that show who were arguably more conventionally “pretty,” Kristin stood out. Why? Because she owned who she was. Confidence was her secret weapon.
Confidence Isn’t Just About Looks—It’s About Energy
Kristin’s confidence wasn’t about being flawless. It was about being fearless. And that energy? It’s contagious. Even now, as a mom of three, a successful entrepreneur, and an author, she’s still thriving. Still magnetic.
Watching her made me reflect: maybe it’s not too late to find my own version of that confidence. Maybe I don’t need to be anyone else—I just need to be more of myself.
Because confidence isn’t something you fake—it’s something you nurture. Bit by bit. Choice by choice.
Making Small Changes That Lead to Big Shifts
So where does that leave me today? Honestly—still figuring things out. But I’ve started making changes. Slowly.
- I’m allowing myself to dream again about love.
- I’m reaching out more, even if just to say hi.
- I’m re-learning how to enjoy my own company.
- I’m choosing to speak kinder to myself, especially on the hard days.
It’s not a big, dramatic transformation. But it’s real. And it’s mine.
Final Thoughts: You Can Start Over at Any Age
If you’ve ever felt like you’re too late, too old, or too far gone, let this be your reminder that it’s never too late to start showing up for yourself. You can rebuild. You can rewire your thinking. You can rediscover your joy.
And you don’t have to do it all at once.
You just have to start.
So here I am—trying. Trusting. Hoping.
And maybe, just maybe, that’s enough for now.
